Before and After
by Alasse Fefalas
Summary: Akkarin, right before and after his death. AkkarinXSonea, of course.


A/N: I was re-reading The High Lord again before reading The Ambassador's Mission and I couldn't resist writing this when I heard this song! It's called I'll be there by Escape Club. If you listen to it, you'll agree with me. AkkarinXSonea, of course.

_over Mountains  
over Trees  
over Oceans  
over Seas  
across the desert  
I'll be there_

_in a whisper on the wind  
on the smile of a new friend  
just think of me  
And I'll be there_

Akkarin watched sadly as Sonea hung on to his body - his _corpse_ - as if she could will it back to life. It was a choice he would not have made if he could have, but the circumstances had forced him to part with her. Pain reflected his eyes as he recollected his last thoughts to her.

_As he gave her his strength, he knew the inevitable was going to happen. The Ichani were still powerful, and he could only give Sonea so much. Even if she were to run to the Arena and gather the strength from there, she would still have to run. That would give their enemy time to recover. _

_Akkarin felt his strength dwindle. Only one Ichani was left standing. Looking at Sonea, he glanced at the advancing Ichani. She would hate him for doing this, but he could not live knowing that he had not given his all – even his life – to protect the one he loved. The one he loved. Yes, he could no longer remember the past, the other woman that he had loved. Only Sonea mattered now, and as he gave her the last of his strength, he smiled, knowing he had done everything he could to save her – and Kyralia._

Even he knew it the right choice, the look of pain and anguish on Sonea made him think otherwise. He longed to touch her, to soothe her, to calm her, but he could not. Not anymore. No more of her sweet kisses, her joyous laugh, her loving smile. He was dead, and she had to live the rest of her life without him.

_Don't be afraid, oh my love  
I'll be watching you from above  
And I'd give all the world tonight,  
to be with you  
Because I'm on your side,  
And I still care  
I may have died,  
but I've gone nowhere_

_Just think of me,  
And I'll be there_

He could only stay by her side now. Only to watch, with no power to help if she ever gets herself into trouble. That thought made him smile. She always gets into trouble, he told himself. There was never a day where she did not create some kind of trouble.

_On the edge of a waking dream  
over Rivers  
over Streams  
through Wind and Rain  
I'll be there_

_Across the wide and open sky  
thousands of miles I'd fly  
to be with you  
I'll be there_

He watched as she slept on Rothen's bed. Dorrien had brought her to his father's rooms when she had collapsed after crying so much. Pain crossed her features as she slept, recovering from the events of the day. A grim smile crossed his face as he heard her moan his name in her sleep. Nightmares, not dreams, of him, he knew. Unconsciously, he caressed her face, and at once, her face changed from discomfort to peace. Tears came, even in her sleep, as she remembered the better moments of the past weeks. Dreams, no longer nightmares, and that's all he can hope for.

_Don't be afraid, oh my love  
I'll be watching you from above  
And I'd give all the world tonight,  
to be with you  
Because I'm on your side,  
And I still care  
I may have died,  
but I've gone nowhere_

_Just think of me,  
And I'll be there_

Her heart ached whenever she saw the grave. Every time, she wished she was in a bad dream and when she woke up, the cold bed would be warm and she would be wrapped in his arms. But it had never happened. She still wakes to a cold, empty bed. She still sees his name engraved into the stone over his grave and every time, she would cry. She couldn't stop herself. They just came, and wouldn't stop until she had exhausted herself. She locked herself inside Rothen's rooms, going out only at night, when no one was watching, to visit his grave and coming back before anyone had known she was gone.

Now, she stood at his grave, telling of the Higher Magicians' decision. Dorrien would teach her, so would Lady Vinara. They're going to build a place just for those in the slums to receive treatment. She was scared of what will happen in the future, of what she will have to go through alone. Her pregnancy was something she found out by accident, when Lady Vinara had checked her health. No one else knew yet as she had asked the Head of Healers to keep it a secret for now. She would tell the others of it herself, when she felt it was time.

She was scared, but she knew Akkarin would be watching over her, where ever he was. Every time she thought of him, memories would flood her, and tears still fell. But as days passed, her tears grew less frequent. She had dreamt of him one night. He was telling her that he was sorry, and that he would not want her to spend the rest of her life mourning him. He told her he was watching over her, protecting her so that she could live her life as per normal. And she believed him. She would mourn him, but only for so long. She would still love him, but she would have to love her unborn child more, so that the child would receive love tantamount to two persons' love. And she would remember him, his love, and his sacrifice for her.

She knows, that if she thinks of him, he will be there, watching over her.

A sound came from the university, and she knew she had to return to her classes with Dorrien. Wiping her tears, she bade his grave goodbye and left, smiling, as she thought of Akkarin of Delvon.

_In the breath of a wind that sighs  
oh, there's no need to cry_

_Just think of me,  
And I'll be there_


End file.
